


The Casebook of Dr J H Watson

by Small_Hobbit



Series: The Ocelot Collection [62]
Category: Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 5,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25016062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Hobbit/pseuds/Small_Hobbit
Summary: The ups and downs of living at 221B Baker Street
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Series: The Ocelot Collection [62]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/57591
Comments: 197
Kudos: 22
Collections: Watson's Woes JWP Collection: 2020





	1. Starting with a Down

**Author's Note:**

> Written for DW's Watson's Woes July Writing Prompts 2020

As soon as Dr Watson entered 221B, his foot slid from underneath him and he ended up sitting on the floor. “What on earth?” he exploded.

The Ocelot looked down on him. “Mr Holmes is working on the new tableau, only something didn’t quite line up and the ball bearings all shot onto the floor.”

At that moment Mouselet rolled past balancing on her back paws on a ball bearing. “What do you think, Dr Watson?” she squeaked.

“Very clever,” Watson agreed. “Who’s collecting the rest?”

“Mr Holmes asked the Ferret to do so.”

“I’ll find a brush and dustpan.”


	2. Poley to the Rescue

“What’s so funny?” Dr Watson asked on his return to 221B.

“It was Mr Holmes,” the Ferret chortled. “He had to walk up and down the path three times and every time he ended up doing a strange hop and skip. Of course, it had been raining, which only made it worse.”

Watson thought for a moment and then exclaimed, “Earthworms!”

“Yes,” Mouselet agreed. “Fortunately, Poley had come with us, so she was able to help. Otherwise I think we’d have been there all day, waiting for Mr Holmes to finish investigating.”

“Isadora Persano has a lot to answer for.”


	3. Robin Hood

Dr Watson watched as an apparition in green stomped its way across the floor of the main room in 221B. “What’s happened?” he asked.

“Robin Hood is having a strop, because the Lady Aemelia has said he doesn’t need a dramatic green cloak,” the Sloth explained. “Oh, and Maid Mouselet told him she was perfectly capable of rescuing herself, thank you very much!”

“Rehearsals for the tableau going about as well as could be expected then,” Watson agreed. He spotted a small rodent on the table, doing a good impression of Mrs Hudson. “I don’t suppose he could have a short green cape?”

“That was my suggestion, but apparently one can’t swirl a short cape as effectively as a long cloak,” Aemelia Vole replied. “Anyone would think he was Prince John.”

Mouselet stuck her head out of her mousehole. “And if he starts firing arrows take cover. His aim is somewhat erratic.”

The Ferret stomped back and began to sing,  
 _I’ll sing you one, O,  
Green is my outfit O_

He looked at the others expectantly, and Watson and the Ocelot dutifully chorused,  
 _What is your one, O?_

_One is One is Robin Hood  
And he’s in charge of the gang, O!_

Mouselet and Aemelia hurriedly disappeared into the mousehole.


	4. The Organ Grinder

One day, Dr Watson thought crossly, as he trudged home, he would come up with a suitable excuse for why he shouldn’t be coerced into playing the barrel organ again. Today hadn’t been that day. It might be July, but the cooling shower had rapidly turned into torrential rain, so he had been soaked through. Even his sad attempts at playing the blasted instrument had quickly been rendered unimportant and he’d felt like a wallflower at the policeman’s ball. And to cap it all, a couple of urchins had decided it would be fun to throw rotten apricots at him.


	5. Come At Once!

Over the years, Dr Watson had become accustomed to receiving various messages delivered in various ways from Sherlock Holmes. Accordingly, he was not surprised when a ragged urchin was ushered into 221B by Esme, the maid.

“Mr ‘Olmes’ com, com, com…” the boy began, “Mr ‘Olmes says ‘e needs Poley. You’re to come ‘ere.” He thrust a scrap of paper into Watson’s hand.

Watson recognised the handwriting as being Lestrade’s and noted the address. “Thank you very much. Please tell Mr Holmes we will be with him as soon as possible.”

The boy left and Watson muttered, “Bring Poley at once if convenient, if not convenient bring Poley anyway. Well, it is inconvenient. The Ferret’s out, so how am I supposed to find Poley?”

“I’ll come,” Mouselet squeaked. “As far as I know she hasn’t moved again, so I can go down and fetch her.”

“Thank you, Mouselet. We’d better be off.”

They reached the garden, which was Poley’s current residence, and Mouselet scampered off, returning a few minutes later to say Poley was on her way. It had rained quite heavily over the last couple of days, but nevertheless Watson knelt down and scooped Poley up on her arrival and placed her in his coat pocket. Brushing the worst of the mud off his trousers, Watson went to find a cab, and they reached their destination a little while later.

“Ah, Watson, finally! What kept you?” Holmes said in greeting.

Watson glared at him and passed Poley over. Holmes then walked over to a hole in the ground and slipped Poley into it.

They waited for some time, and Watson began to grow worried. In the past on occasions the Ferret had been sent into holes, but he had a tendency to get lost, forget what he was supposed to be doing, or simply get stuck, and Watson hoped nothing similar had happened to Poley.

Finally, she stuck her nose back out of the hole, and Holmes lifted her clear.

“There are quite a number of tunnels down there,” she said. “Some have been dug by animals, but some are definitely man-made. The man-made ones lead to a pipe. I didn’t try going down it, as I wouldn’t be able to climb back up, the surface is like brick, hard and smooth.”

Holmes nodded. “Do you think you can tell me where this pipe begins?”

“I can try.” She swivelled round. “If we go in this direction, I should be able to give you a reasonable indication.”

The two of them set off and Watson watched them wandering over the ground, until Holmes stopped and called Lestrade over. Lestrade waved to a couple of his men to join him with spades and Holmes returned to Watson.

“We’ve done all we can for the moment,” Holmes said. “We may as well go home for now; Lestrade will call in later. And you need to change your trousers.”


	6. No Need To Get Up

Dr Watson woke to the sound of screaming coming from beneath him. His initial instinct, to leap out of bed and run downstairs to the assistance of the screamer, was tempered by long experience of living with Sherlock Holmes. Who, Watson recalled, he had left working on an experiment when he came to bed.

The scream had been a young woman’s voice, probably Esme’s. There was now another loud voice, older woman’s, which was shouting rather than screaming.

And a man’s voice, as of one suddenly hit by a deluge of water.

It was all entirely clear, and there was no need to leave his bed. Holmes, in the process of an experiment had set fire to something. Esme, on discovering the fire had screamed ‘Fire!’ as per the established protocol. Mrs Hudson had come upstairs with the necessary bucket of water, put out the fire, and rather than carry the remaining water back downstairs had emptied it over Holmes.


	7. Vote Now!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voting is open for the theme of the _Marylebone Monthly Illustrated_ Christmas supplement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previous supplements can be found here: [Sing-Along-A-Ferret](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16814353) and [Sloth's Christmas Miscellany](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21672616/chapters/51684664)

“Asking for readers to vote on the theme of the _MMI_ ’s Christmas supplement was an excellent idea,” the Sloth said. He was busy recording which suggestions were receiving the most votes. He passed another sheet of paper over to the Ocelot. “Here’s someone else who wants to take out an annual subscription, so they don’t miss out.”

“Remind me what the suggestions are again,” Dr Watson said.

“Apart from your own _Puzzles, Games and Mysteries with Dr Watson_ , we have _Mrs Hudson’s Christmas Management_ ,” the Sloth began.

“Does Mrs Hudson know she may be writing the Christmas supplement?” Watson asked.

“Mouselet and Aemelia will do it,” the Ocelot replied. “From what I’ve heard most of the recipes will include large amounts of gin.”

“Then there’s _Songs from the Shows_ , a follow up to _Sing-along-a-Ferret_ ,” the Sloth continued. “And to round it out I’ve said I can do a _Further Festive Miscellany_.”

“How are the votes coming on?” Watson asked.

The Sloth looked at his list of ticks. “So far three of the titles have received roughly the same number of votes, but _Songs from the Shows_ is well in the lead. However, since most of those votes came in one envelope and all of them had very similar writing, I think we can discard them.”

“When do you have to make your decision?”

“We’ve got some time yet,” the Ocelot replied. “We’d like all our readers the chance to have their say, and not just our resident song-and-dance ferret!”


	8. The Spider Flower

“I don’t understand it,” Sherlock Holmes said. “I thought Mrs Hudson would like some flowers.” He looked dolefully at the blooms he was holding. “Yet she took one look at them and pushed them back into my hands, saying I wasn’t to try giving them to Esme either.”

Watson reached for their battered copy of _Floriography_ and flicked through the pages. “Ah,” he said. “The spider flower.”

“Surely she cannot object to a flower simply due to the arachnid reference?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Watson laughed. “The flower means ‘elope with me’. Clearly she wasn’t taken with your suggestion!”


	9. Scattered Papers

Dr Watson watched Sherlock Holmes as he spread out newspapers in all directions, carefully cutting out certain items ready to stick them into his commonplace books. He smiled to himself.

Holmes looked up and frowned. “What are you thinking of?” he asked.

“Surely you can deduce it?”

“That it concerns my index, as you like to refer to it, of course I can. But which particular incident among the many defeats even me.”

“I was remembering the time when you had your papers strewn around, just as now, and Lestrade called. You leapt up and hurried out with him, and I followed rather more slowly.”

Holmes blinked, and then he, too, smiled. “It was in the very early days of our having taken these rooms and Mrs Hudson came in during our absence and tidied up.”

“She said afterwards, she was paid to clean and therefore that was what she intended to. And you told her you would pay her not to clean if it meant your papers were left alone.”

Holmes gave a bark of laughter. “And ever since then there has been an additional item on the monthly bill, ‘To not cleaning the room per Mr Holmes request.’” 


	10. Charades

It had been a most convivial evening. 

Hopkins suddenly announced, “Let’s play charades. We can use Watson’s stories as the subject.” He took up the discarded crimson tea cosy and placed it on his head.

“Red-Headed League,” Lestrade said. “My turn!” He pointed to his thumb and made ‘brrm, brrm’ sounds.

There was a significant pause until Watson said, “The Engineer’s Thumb.” He retrieved a piece of paper from the waste bin, drew some dots on it and attempted to fasten it into his hair in the manner of a schoolgirl.

“Silver Blaze,” suggested Hopkins.

“Beryl Coronet,” added Lestrade.

Watson looked disappointed at their guesses.

Holmes, who had drunk considerably less than the others, said, “The Speckled Band.” Then he stood up, very straight, with his head in a slightly Roman attitude.

“Crooked Man,” Watson said.

“Twisted Lip one,” Hopkins pushed his own mouth to demonstrate what he meant.

“Hound of the Baskervilles,” Lestrade pronounced.

“What?” Watson asked.

“He’s looking for it,” Lestrade said very seriously.

“I am the Noble Bachelor,” Holmes said haughtily, “And you should all go home!”


	11. Tiddledy-Winks

Sherlock Holmes was rather surprised to see Inspector Stanley Hopkins coming down the stairs as he opened the door to the house in Baker Street. He had arranged to meet both Hopkins and Lestrade in 221B, and although he was slightly later than planned, he had assumed Mrs Hudson would have plied the inspectors with tea and cake in his absence. He was even more surprised to hear Hopkins’ words.

“Thank goodness you’re home, Holmes. I need some help with Dr Watson.”

“Why? What’s happened?” Holmes said, as he rushed up the stairs in some alarm.

“He’s a bit stuck. And Lestrade, well, he’s no help.”

Holmes could hear the sound of laughter coming through the door to the rooms. “How exactly is he stuck?”

“Watson and Lestrade were playing Tiddledy-Winks and the doctor crawled under the furniture to play a shot and now can’t get back out. Lestrade can’t stop laughing long enough to help me.”

At that moment, Mrs Hudson came out of her room and said, “Oh Mr Holmes, do you need any help?”

“No, thank you, Mrs Hudson. Inspector Hopkins and I can manage between us. But I do suggest you stay down here for a few minutes.”

Holmes strode into 221B and said, “Do you think you two can stop behaving like a pair of buffoons?”


	12. In The Forest

The weak sunlight shone through the bare trees, illuminating patches of ground, leaving other areas in shadow. Watson cursed as he tripped on a half-hidden tree root, stumbled, but regained his balance. He trudged on, wishing he’d had the foresight to bring a walking stick; the uneven nature of the ground making his leg ache. He could just glimpse his destination in the distance, and he struggled on, although he seemed not to be drawing any closer to it.

Then there was a thud and a clatter, and Watson woke to find his book had knocked over his whisky glass.


	13. The Rest In Silence

“I don’t like it,” Mrs Hudson said. “It’s too quiet.”

“Maybe they’ve gone out,” Esme replied.

“No, I’d have heard them in that case. I shall go up and see what Mr Holmes is doing and tell him to stop it.”

She marched upstairs and listened at the door, confirming that is was still silent. Then she opened the door.

Inside she saw Watson fast asleep in his chair, and Holmes reading through a pile of newspapers. Holmes put his finger to his lips, and she slipped out again, closing the door softly before returning downstairs.

“Is everything okay?” Esme asked. “Would you like me to take the tea tray up?”

“No, we’ll wait for a while and let the sleeping doctor lie.”


	14. The Passing of Time (Part 1)

Watson took a turn round the room and looked at the clock once more. Holmes had been insistent Watson stay at 221B until he received a message which could only have come from him. Since Holmes had left in the early afternoon there had been two telegrams, both of which Watson had opened, but neither, although initialled SH, were undeniably from Holmes. Similarly, an Irregular had called, giving an address, but, although Watson had given the boy a penny, he had not taken a step out of doors.

By now it was getting late. Watson was starting to doubt whether he had been right to ignore the earlier messages, although none could have irrefutably been from Holmes. He heard the church clock strike the hour and once more paced around the room.

Finally, there was another knock on the door. Watson grabbed his medical bag and opened the door.

“Now?” he asked.

“Now!”


	15. The Passing of Time (Part 2)

Holmes spent the afternoon rushing round the city. There were so many possibilities, so many dead ends. He had told Watson to stay at 221B until he, and only he, sent for him. The gang he was after would not hesitate to use Watson to get at him and, while Watson was safe inside the house in Baker Street, he would be easy prey if he ventured forth.

Holmes suddenly realised that it was already growing dark. He had been convinced it was scarcely six o’clock, but now it must be nearly eight. It wasn’t long before Big Ben chimed in agreement. Everything was in place, and Watson’s presence would be invaluable, for although he had taken every precaution he could, some injuries would be inevitable.

Holmes beckoned to Inspector Hopkins. “All is ready,” he said.

“You want me to fetch Dr Watson?”

“Yes. Go now!”


	16. Ah yes, I remember it well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loosely based on the song featuring Maurice Chevalier and Hermione Gingold

“We met at six.”   
“It was half past four.”  
“I used my lock picks.”  
“I forced open the door.”

_“Ah yes, I remember it well.”_

“His face turned red.”  
“His face turned white.”  
“He knew I wouldn’t be misled.”  
“He saw me and took fright.”

_“Ah yes, I remember it well.”_

“You were in blue.”  
“My tutu was pink.”

Dr Watson, who had been listening to Holmes and the Ocelot arguing about their first meeting, decided it was time to finish the discussion.

“Neither of you have a clue  
And that’s what I think.”

_“Ah yes, we remember it well.”_


	17. Racing Colours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first - and only - time Holmes ever saw Watson pick up a gun in his bedroom was also the day…

The first - and only - time Holmes ever saw Watson pick up a gun in his bedroom was also the day before the Great Ferret Race. For some reason, the Ferret’s racing colours had been put in the same drawer as the gun. Once the colours were retrieved, Watson replaced the gun and shut the drawer.

The Ferret was very proud of his outfit, which was turquoise and scarlet chevrons. There was a matching hat, with a bright yellow tassel, but he didn’t wear that when he was racing, because it would only have fallen off.

One might enquire why this happened the day before the race. There had been some discussion as to whether the Ferret had maintained his svelte racing shape (the Ferret’s view) or whether the outfit would need letting out at the seams (everyone else). The reader may come to their own conclusion.

On the actual day of the race the greatest item of debate was how much Dr Watson would lose this year betting on the Ferret.


	18. Inspector Hopkins

“I see Hopkins called in earlier, and that you bandaged up his arm,” Holmes said to Dr Watson when he returned to 221B

“You are quite correct on both counts,” Watson replied. “But if you didn’t meet him, then how do you know?”

“A simple deduction from the cake crumbs below your chair.”

“Oh, explain yourself.”

“The presence of cake crumbs indicate a visitor, otherwise Mrs Hudson would have waited for my return.”

“Yes, but Hopkins?”

“Normally, such crumbs would already have been consumed. But the Ferret was with me, Aemelia is not partial to fruit cake, which only leaves Mouselet. Normally she would still have eaten the crumbs following her Dearest Detective’s departure. However, the crumbs remain, so clearly she is still overcome at seeing his ‘strong manly arm’.”

Watson chuckled. “And the ‘inspector bravely bore my attentions’. Although he said some words which he wouldn’t have used had Mrs Hudson been present. I should note that when I remonstrated with him at receiving the injury, he vehemently denied you were in any way responsible. In fact, so vehement were his denials I believe the opposite to have been true.”

Holmes made a rather rueful expression. “Yes, there was a minor miscalculation on my part.”

At that a small voice squeaked, “You should look after the poor man much better!”


	19. Teamwork

Everything worked like a charm. The two villains had placed the small bag with the diamonds on the table. Sherlock Holmes stood up, distracting them both sufficiently to allow time for Mouselet and Aemelia Vole to run out of Holmes’ sleeve, grab the bag, and between them pull it close enough for Holmes to sweep into his coat pocket.

One villain aimed a blow at Holmes, which he easily parried and knocked the man down with his own fist. The other villain attempted to retrieve the diamonds but was bitten by the Ferret, who was sitting in the same coat pocket.

Holmes left the building, pursued by the two villains, who found their exit barred by the Ocelot who had been waiting in the shadows. Watson then stepped out into the road to wave down a passing cab and everyone hurriedly scrambled inside.

“An excellent job all round,” Holmes said. “Made all the easier because the Sloth was able to decipher the messages in the small ads while I was out following up the contacts.”


	20. Pockets

Dr Watson put on his overcoat and pushed a hand into his pocket. He hurriedly removed it, something sticky held between his fingers.

“How on earth…?” he began.

Holmes looked up. “Based on the evidence…”

“Thank you. I don’t need a consulting detective to tell me I had the Ferret in my pocket yesterday. I did wonder why he was so quiet. He must have got his teeth stuck together on this toffee.”

Watson checked his other pocket and removed a man’s handkerchief. “Oh, really,” he exclaimed. “Mouselet’s stolen another of Hopkins’ handkerchiefs. I don’t know how she manages it.”


	21. Gin Tasting

“Good evening, Mrs Hudson.”

“Good evening, Mrs Turner. I see you have the bottles lined up.”

“Of course. Shall we start with the Booth’s?”

“An excellent suggestion. And now the Gilbey’s perhaps?”

“Equally enjoyable. Beefeater next?”

“I wouldn’t say no. And lastly, Gordon’s, my favourite.”

“This has been a very pleasant evening, Mrs Hudson.”

“It has indeed, Mrs Turner. Until next week?”

“Until next week. Mind how you go.”

Mrs Hudson wobbled home and headed back upstairs, singing lustily, “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do.”

Dr Watson woke briefly, muttered, “Thursday night, gin night” and went back to sleep.


	22. All Under Control

Dr Watson was peacefully sitting in his armchair reading the newspaper when there was a loud bang and what might charitably have been referred to as an ‘Oops!’ from Sherlock Holmes, but in fact was more a combination of ‘Aargh!’, ‘Ouch!’ and ‘***’.

Watson looked across at the cause of the afore-mentioned comment and then pulled a face at the smell which was coming from the same direction. Hurriedly, he got up and threw open the window. Years of what, to the casual observer was army training, but, in reality, was living with Holmes, meant he made a rapid assessment of the current dangers. 

He grabbed a scarf (one of Holmes’, he wasn’t using his own) to put out the small blaze which was eyeing up the tablecloth. Once he’d done that, he used the scorched scarf to soak up the chemical which seemed intent upon decorating the floor with purple blobs. 

Finally, he considered Holmes. “It only looks like a minor wound,” he said. “But Mrs Hudson will not take kindly to blood spots ornamenting your shirt. I suggest you go and wash your hand.”

The mention of their landlady’s name conjured up her presence and she knocked on the door with an ominous, “Mr Holmes!”

“Don’t worry, Mrs Hudson,” Watson called out. “I’ll just nip down to the off licence for you.”

He picked up Holmes’ wallet, waved it in Holmes’ direction, receiving a grudging nod, and opened the door. He gave Mrs Hudson a bright smile as he went past her. “It’s all under control,” he said.


	23. The Gramophone

“Lestrade,” Watson said, “I would contend that the gramophone is indeed a wonder of the age.” 

Lestrade laughed. “I thought you were complaining the other day that Holmes was insisting on playing the same music time and again that the gramophone was an infernal contraption.”

“That is very true.” Watson nodded his head. “I did indeed express that opinion. But since when I have had cause to revise it.”

Lestrade raised his eyebrows. “Do please explain.”

“At least there is the opportunity to switch the gramophone off. When Holmes is playing his violin that option is not available to me.”


	24. The Harvest Song

“Right,” Dr Watson said, “let’s hear it from the top!”

The Ferret sang:  
 _Food, glorious food  
Lots of tasty sweet things_

Mouselet sang:  
 _Apples which have been stewed  
Nuts and treats which autumn brings_

Ferret:  
 _Pies sprinkled with sugar drops_

[Aemelia Vole: What on earth are sugar drops?]

Mouselet:  
 _Apples coated in toffee_

Ferret:  
 _Brightly colouréd candy pops_

[AV: And whatever is he singing about?]

Mouselet:  
 _Biscuits flavoured with coffee_

[AV: Yuk!]

Ferret:  
 _Food!_

Mouselet:  
 _Scrumptilious food!_

“She’s right, you know,” Mouselet broke off. “This really isn’t working.”

“I’m afraid I must agree,” Watson said apologetically.

“It needs to be done by the end of the week,” the Ferret replied.

“Yes, I understand that.”

“And now you see the problem,” Aemelia added brightly.

“No!” Watson said very firmly. The other three looked at him. “I am not writing the words for the harvest song.” 

The Ferret raised a ferrety eyebrow. 

“Definitely not!” Watson said.

“Oh, but pleeeease, Dr Watson.” Mouselet fluttered her eyelashes and gave him an appealing look.

“You said it wasn’t working.” Aemelia seemed to have perfected her ‘Mrs Hudson will brook no opposition’ look.

Watson threw his hands up in resignation. “Very well, I’ll have a go.”


	25. The Baker Street ABC

A is for Adversary who Holmes combats with his brain  
B is for Bradshaw with times of the train  
C is for Curtains which now have caught fire  
D is for Don’t tell Mrs Hudson, the rent will be higher  
E is for Excitement caused by Holmes’ grandiose plans  
F is for Ferret and his many fans  
G is for Gloves, to wear when it’s cool  
H is for Hopkins, Mouselet will drool  
I is for Ideas, of which Holmes has lots  
J is for Jam which comes in little pots  
K is for Kettle for tea before the fireplace  
L is for Lestrade who brings in a new case  
M is for Mouselet who likes to eat crumbs  
N is for Night-time and the darkness which comes  
O is for Ocelot, Editor-in-Chief  
P is for Poley, after the underground thief  
Q is for Queen, and the holes in the wall  
R is for Results some big and some small  
S is for Sloth who wields a red pen  
T is for Teamwork of both creatures and men  
U is for Umbrella for use in the game  
V is for Vole, Aemelia by name  
W is for Watson, without whom Holmes would be lost  
X is for Cross: Upset Mrs Hudson at your own cost  
Y is for Yarn, a tale which goes deep  
Z is for Z-Z-Z Watson’s asleep


	26. Lavender

Sherlock Holmes sat down heavily. “I thought I was onto something, Watson,” he said. “The smell of lavender when we walked into the room was almost overpowering.”

“That I would agree with,” Watson said. It had been so strong he’d been forced to leave again before he became overcome with coughing.

“And I really didn’t need Lestrade’s comment afterwards.”

“Ah, when he said, ‘That’s one of Mrs Lestrade’s favourite fragrancies.’”

Holmes sighed. “Then, when we walked back, practically every shop seemed to be displaying lavender soap in its window.”

Watson chuckled. “You could say you were following a false scent.”


	27. A Dubious Explanation

Being caught standing in the penguin pool of London Zoo was not quite how Dr Watson had planned to start the day. Holmes had been adamant it would be an easy task to retrieve the stolen jewels which he suspected where hidden there and they had crept in. They hadn’t allowed for the penguins not appreciating being woken from their sleep and protesting loudly at their incursion. Nor had they anticipated a passing keeper, who had been working in the nocturnal house.

Holmes had explained that everything was perfectly all right, and Inspector Lestrade of Scotland Yard was aware of their activities. He had carefully omitted to add that although the inspector knew Holmes was looking for the jewels, he knew nothing of the location of the jewels. A message was being sent to Scotland Yard, from where it would be forwarded to Lestrade’s home, and his reaction at being woken was likely to be even more vociferous than that of the penguins.

Nonetheless, Watson remained upbeat. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I can explain!”

"Is that so? Well, you are the writer amongst us, so I look forward to your tale Watson,” Holmes replied.

“I shall claim that you’ve started sleepwalking and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“That’s completely ridiculous. No-one will believe it.”

“Can you think of anything better?”


	28. The Beggar Woman

“Hopkins did what?” Dr Watson exclaimed.

“He arrested Holmes,” Lestrade said with a laugh. 

“But he went out disguised as an old beggar woman,” Watson objected.

“And that’s how he was when Hopkins arrested him. Hopkins said that he’d told her to move on twice, and since she was insisting on ignoring him, he was going to arrest her.”

“Didn’t he realise?”

“That was the best part of it. He knew perfectly well who he was talking to.”

They were interrupted by the arrival of Holmes and Hopkins, who were laughing together.

“Did you get things sorted out?” Lestrade said, with some surprise.

“Oh, yes.” Hopkins grinned. “Didn’t I tell you it was all part of the plan? We needed to bring someone into the cells without the occupants suspecting anything. I arrested Mr Holmes. The sergeant put him into the end cell, and he listened to the gang’s discussion. They weren’t in the least bit concerned about an old, rather deaf, beggar woman listening to them and now we have a welcoming committee prepared for when the rest of the gang seek to rescue them.”

Watson and Lestrade exchanged glances.

“Holmes,” Watson said, “you never cease to surprise me.”


	29. Peterson the Commissionaire

I often see both Mr Holmes and Dr Watson as they walk past my hotel; Dr Watson will often be on his way to visit a patient, and Mr Holmes in the middle of an investigation.

The other day, while waiting to welcome any guest as they descended from their cab, I noticed an elderly lady had dropped her glove. So I hurriedly picked it up and ran after the lady to return it to her. She turned to thank me, and I realised this was in fact no lady. I winked at Mr Holmes and returned to my post.


	30. An AGM in Montague Gardens

“This is very pleasant,” Dr Watson said. He stretched his legs out and tipped his straw hat slightly forward to stop the sun getting in his eyes. “Although rather unexpected. How did you manage it, Holmes?”

“I had a quiet word with Mycroft, who had a quiet word with a chap he happens to know, so we could have a discrete meeting here in Montague Gardens,” Sherlock Holmes replied. “I didn’t explain who I was meeting though!”

The Ocelot agreed, “Probably as well. Poley, Ferret, we’re about to start!”

The Ferret scampered over and eyed the still closed tea hamper.

“Business meeting first, tea afterwards,” the Sloth said firmly.

“Indeed,” the Ocelot said. “and I therefore formally declare the opening of the AGM for the _Marylebone Monthly Illustrated_.”

There was a round of polite applause from all those present.

“My first act is to welcome Poley the Moley to the board of the _MMI_. We are delighted to be broadening our scope and look forward to all your contributions.”

This was greeted with louder applause and Poley gave a shy smile.

“We turn now to the question of finances, and the Sloth’s report.”

“I am happy to announce the finances are in excellent shape. We have received a record number of subscriptions this year and have been delighted at the take up of gift subscriptions prompted in part by the promise of our latest Christmas supplement. However, expenditure on red ink is still far too high.” The Sloth looked round sternly. “And, as an aside, it would help if our contributors refrained from leaving jam on their copy or drooling over it.”

There was a certain amount of laughter. The Ferret shrugged his shoulders and Mouselet fluttered her eyelashes to say, ‘Who me?’

“Excellent,” the Ocelot said. “Is there any other business?” Everyone shook their heads. “In which case, all that remains is for me to announce the result of the ballot for the title of the Christmas supplement this year. There was an excellent number of genuine responses, and whilst _Further Festive Miscellany_ was slightly in the lead, all the suggested titles proved popular. Sloth and I have therefore discussed the matter and have decided that whilst we shall be going with the _Miscellany_ , we shall be including items from all the other suggestions. I trust this will be acceptable to all.”

There were nods all round, and then the Ferret was hurriedly hushed before he launched into his first contribution.

“And now,” the Ocelot announced, “I declare it is time for tea.”

Watson flung open the lid of the hamper and everyone celebrated another very successful year.


End file.
